Feeding Your Children When You Have an Eating Disorder

Written by Naima Sullivan, MS, RD, LD

Edited by Sarah Criscuolo MS, RD, LDN, CSN, CPT

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As increased awareness has helped more people get the diagnoses and care they need, a growing number of parents living with eating disorders are seeking support and treatment. There are many challenges when parenting with an eating disorder, and one of the most difficult is navigating feeding your children while you are working on recovery and repairing your own relationship with food and body. If you are struggling with this, know that you are not alone. Feeding your children is such an important part of parenting, and this is definitely something that you can bring to your care team for support. From the emotional toll to the logistics of what to put on the table, here are some tips that can make this whole process feel less overwhelming.

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1. Parents do not cause eating disorders. You won’t automatically give your child an eating disorder just because you are living with one. While there is no one exact cause, research is clear that genetic and environmental factors play a role. You can’t change your – or your child’s – genes, but you can have a powerful influence on the environment in which they grow. Self-compassion and seeking help when needed are two examples of ways you can model healthy behaviors for your child.
2. You don’t have to do things perfectly. There is a lot of pressure on parents when it comes to feeding children, starting even before the child is born. Preparing homemade, perfectly balanced dinners or Instagram-worthy lunch boxes is not a realistic goal for most of us! Many people who do this on social media are paid to do it and we never really see what goes on behind the scenes. Take some of the pressure off of yourself by taking a break from social media and allowing yourself to prioritize convenience over perfection.
3. Ask for support from co-parents, family, friends, and the pros. If you are not feeling up for the planning, shopping and food prep that is involved in family feeding, it’s okay to ask your co-parent or other supports to step in and help. There are many meal services, from meal kits you prepare yourself to fully cooked meals, that you can utilize to take off some of the burden. Remember that the accommodations you make for yourself while in recovery do not have to be permanent. You can take on more responsibility as you feel ready.
4. Consider family outings and events when meal planning. When you are working on a meal plan with your dietitian, it can be helpful to work in space for some of the spontaneous eating that is bound to happen when you are a parent. Whether it’s designating some free snacks on the weekends or having a standard ice cream order in mind, planning ahead can help ease some of the anxiety in those moments so that you can focus on enjoying the time with your family.
5. Flexible family meals can help when people have different needs. This is a great lesson for your child – not everyone needs to eat the same amount or types of food. Let your child take responsibility for plating their own meals in a way that is age-appropriate. This will help take the pressure off of you to control what they eat and will also help your child take the lead and develop a positive relationship with food. Try not to focus too much or make a lot of comments about what your child is eating. Instead, work to make mealtimes enjoyable for the family. Tell jokes or stories, keep conversation lighthearted, and prioritize family connection. Here are some flexible meals your family might enjoy.

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More than anything, it is important to go easy on yourself! Parenting is hard and parenting with an eating disorder brings with it many additional challenges. The fact that you are taking steps to learn how to best support your family means that you are doing a great job. Your child is lucky to have a parent like you!

Seeking treatment with a team that is experienced with eating disorders and family feeding dynamics can be a huge support on your road to recovery. An eating disorder-informed Karuna dietitian can be an extremely beneficial addition to your care team – use the link below to schedule an intake call and get started!

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Resources:

1. https://www.salon.com/2024/01/28/adult-eating-disorders-are-on-the-rise-and-theyre-harder-to-diagnose-and-treat/

2. https://www.romper.com/parenting/can-parents-prevent-eating-disorders
Chapman, L., Cartwright-Hatton, S. & Lester, K.J. “I think it is woven through me, and sadly that means it is woven through our family life”: the experiences and support needs of mothers with eating disorders. J Eat Disord 11, 147 (2023).

3. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40337-023-00868-y

4. https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/treatment-for-eating-disorders/family-role/mothers-daughters-and-eating-disorders

5. https://www.cambridge.org/core/services/aop-cambridge-core/content/view/C10301AC39E2800021AB6616FF0D8067/S1355514600015571a.pdf/influence-of-parental-eating-disorder-on-children.pdf